Dilute! Dilute! OK? OK?
Don Bolles (better known as 70s drummer for punk outfits The Germs and 45 Grave) has reportedly has been arrested for (wait for it): possession of soap. That news comes from a recent posting by musician Nora Keyes. We haven’t independently confirmed the details of her account, but if it’s even mostly accurate, the charges are outrageous. According to Keyes, police, searching Bolles’ van in uptight Orange County, CA, found nothing suspicious but a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap in the back.
If you’ve ever picked up a bottle of Dr. Bronner’s at the supermarket, you know exactly how dumbfounding the labels on these bottles can be – the purest example of insane ranting ever to grace a product container in the history of Das Kapitalism. Don’t believe me? Read the whole label here.
Police, feasting their eyes on the label, doubtless thought they had confirmation they were dealing with a genuine psychopath. Then they found the word “hemp” on the list of ingredients. Bolles got slammed in the pokey, where he is being charged with a felony and being held on $25,000 bail.
Dr. Bronner’s is the only cleaning agent Bolles uses – for every thing from toothpaste to laundry detergent. Did anyone tell the cops they can buy this stuff by the case at any local health food store (and, no doubt, some Safeways?)
Note: According to the police report, there may be more than soap involved here, but we’ll wait for the other shoe to drop before saying more.
See also: Collected Wisdoms from the Pope of Soap.
Update: The D.A. has dropped all charges against Bolles, after chemical analysis of Dr. Bronner’s soap revealed that – surprise! – it does not contain any trace of date-rape drug GBH after all. Bolles says he thinks his “big furry hat” and the appearance of his 1968 van may have contributed to officer’s suspicions (which, by itself, should be cause for investigation into the motivations of the cops in this case). The soap manufacturer says it’s looking into its legal options.